Perception is a funny thing...what's real to me might not be to you as i perceive it...if that's the case what makes something real if most everything is perceived...this thought gets even more convoluted with physical self perception...

am i fat..i'm too fat..she's so skinny...he's so buff..no i'm fat...are you kidding look how small i am...

people seem to never be sated with their physical appearance no matter how much others tell them they're fine...i admit i am one of these people...self perception in the physical sense for me is like shrooming and lookin in the mirror...you dont see what's really there instead only seeing what you think...aiyah

i think more than less experience the similar in which is why we came up with the solution.."eye of the beholder"...how great is that..it's pretty much excusing what you see of yourself for the fact that someone whose opinion matters to you sees differently...this to me is a nice solution...albeit it's similar to religion creating an excuse...but i'm good with this excuse...ahh so now self perception becomes even more complicated...which is really now self perception diluted with person that matters perception...

this is where it's interesting...if my self perception was so negative to begin with, for the drive to attract another...if another is found and sees me as attractive...does my perception adopt this new found glory and dilute itself to put it in the positive resulting in becoming a fat glorious pig?...so many factors play into this...so many that as i'm writing this my thoughts are contradicting myself...ah well...philosophy of perception...go read up on it..if reading's too hard...hit the crackpipe...both will educate your perception. HA

(Written on 4/13/05)

-Jesse